Thursday February 28th 2008, THIS STAND STILL ON THE SCALE WILL NOT GET ME DOWN!!

SO.....woke up this morning..and ok...couldnt help myself, got on the scale once again...and not to my surprise...215lbs....you've got to be kidding me! So i just shook my head in disbelief..

After giving myself time to vent a little..I just thought...OK... I can do one of two things...

ONE- let this get to me and totally be discouraged and upset and cry like a newborn baby, and freak out and shoot things around..(or)
TWO- I can go to the gym and just BLAST a weight training work out like never before!

So, I chose to go with option number two...

Once getting my daughter off on the morning school bus, I drove myself to the gym, couldn't get there fast enough..carrying with me the face of determination. I could feel it in my eyes totally focused on getting there and giving it all I had!
I just refused to let a stupid scale reading get to me! No way No how...that is not going to ruin my day, nor my views.

I blasted through my workout routine, and even up'd some of the weights..one even by 10lbs(dumbell curls 40lbs)... and made sure my positioning was just perfectly so, in order to give my body that perfect workout....and I just pumped them like there was no tommorow...I refuse to let this stand still on the scale get me down...get this whole transformation down, and I was pissed!:-)

I just had a mental picture the whole time, of the body that I WILL have when finished! A totally different, stronger body!
The toned and muscular arms, my slimmed down so completely different and defined legs..not to mention, being so much more mentally stronger than in the past! To me, this is just as important as the physical aspect! It is the mental strength that will get me through maintaining, during my many years to follow. After all I am not going to lose 150lbs to put it all back on..I DON'T THINK SO...I KNOW SO!!!

The thought also crossed my mind, about next December/January.. being and feeling the healthiest ever in my life..being confident and smiling, having a proudness that I have overcome the biggest obstacle that I carried with me for most of my 33 years!

Anyways...once having finished the workout.....and was driving home.....you know what?...no matter what that scale said earlier...i felt like once again, the strongest woman walking! Turned up that music..and was so happy that I got a super charged workout!

One promise to everyone including myself..that when this transformation IS over and completed..you will see a whole different woman, one that will have the best deffinition..I will be hard and strong, not to mention headstrong....and I refuse to give up until I have reached just that!!

*Also I need to remember in the meantime... I have a party to prepare for...where friends and perhaps strangers will be waiting to get a chance to see how far I have actually got with this transformation project, to celebrate the victory of getting to that point...and where they can all witness for themselves...what REALLY IS possible! Even for someone like myself,who started off at her lowest...to see that when you work hard at a dream, keeping your face up, being proud and just giving it all you got, what you actually get in return!

So I will keep working hard for all those who are planning to attend "our party", including my friends and family and even strangers (who by the way, I may have NOT even met yet)!

But one thing for sure, they are coming to see where I am at, so I plan on giving everything I have in the next few weeks pertaining to workouts, and proper nutrition! To show all people, what myself and my trainer have accomplished so far, and what ANYONE with the right tools, can do as well!!

Love you all
C.W.H.T.I
xo

Wednesday february 27th, 2008 What is going on here??? I am starting to panic...

Hey friends. So here is the thing. I started this "new diet" last week....and i tell ya..so far I am not too impressed! I have not budged at all in weight. I am feeling really dissappointed! Fraustrated..and not sure what is going on with this body of mine!!

My trainer however tells me to stop looking at the numbers, think about more on how i will look at the end, and not to worry... he is confident that by next monday when its weigh in day..i will see a drop, and everything will be back to normal..and expressed to me that this new diet is important before the next one coming. It has more protein in it, which is important for muscle build..which is something that i plan on building...but regardless ..i am still wondering why i havent dropped yet.

Man, what can i say..i do trust him i really do..but its all about timing here!! Well i wont panic...take a breather and hope for the best. So see you next weigh in on monday..sheesh!
C.W.H.T.I

Monday February 25th, 2008 Not a good day as far as scale;-(

So as you can read from the title, this morning...crappy morning as far as numbers

The scale read 215lbs...and yes, I will admit that I am feeling a little dissappointed! I mean I have been following this so called "new" diet my trainer provided me with...I have been working out with a somewhat harder weight training routine and ....that number just shoots it all down!

But, talking to my trainer last night..his words..."don't worry about the numbers" "think about the final result"
He thinks it is just my body getting used to the different foods..so I trust him..so I will keep it going for this week..and then see by next Monday if we have to make changes, or if my weight drops by next Monday.

He feels confident it will, and I do trust him..I mean look how far I have come already..so I know he knows his foods..but it just sucks really:-(

Well on the up side, I brought my daughter to the bus stop today...and 2 ladies there mentioned wow..your face looks like its really gone down today...so i was like..."perhaps it isnt showing in numbers but maybe inches Im still going strong"..I dunno.
We will see friends.

I will be on next monday...and it will be the beginning of march...where we will be counting down to the next photo session(11th) where I will have reached my 4months...can't believe its been almost 4 months already that I have been doing this whole transformation thing. My, does the time go fast.! And i have to say I am so proud that i have stuck with it for this long. Me, an average everyday sort of woman....I mean ...ususally with a diet and exercise this strict...usually you see more serious trainers...but I just keep trucking along...:-)

So unless i have a real crappy day and will be in need to write..i will see you all next MONDAY..and hope for a really big drop!

Talk soon
C.W.H.T.I

p.s. hope you all checked out the link on the side for "our party" we are having...hoping everyone can make it..so please sign yourselves up, or just show up for a drink..and if Rob and I have never met you...please introduce yourselves as we are so excited to meet all of our supporters and friends that are following this story that night.
:-))
everyone is welcomed to come!
Now have to run..have a weight training session to get through...bye*waves*

Monday February 18th, 2008 Weigh in day....looks like we're starting the COUNTDOWN!!!!! yeahhhhhhhh!

Here is the most recent picture of me taken at the "Hedley" concert Saturday night that a friend took of me(actually it was in the bathroom as you can tell behind me with the hand sanitizer!)hehe

But my point, don't I look happy?

This is what change does! So give it your best people!

Comes back to you 100x:-)

-----------------------------------------------------

Good Monday morning to you all!! And what a wonderful morning it is.

Let me start off by saying, I had a great weekend!! I had a busy Saturday, went to see one of my favorite canadian bands(Hedley), and also saw some friends that night that I hadnt seen in a long time. Actually, some I hadnt seen since before I even started this transformation! So you can imagine how they were when seeing me..well lets just say really surprised!!

It was alot of fun, however I felt pretty tired Sunday. Hey, you know, even though I hadnt drank, I sure felt like i did on Sunday:-(... as if I was dealing with a hangover! hehe
I am not used to going out until late anymore, and I came home around 2:45am that night! Crazy! Brought back alot of memories though I tell you!:-)
Back in the day I would go out with friends and sometimes I would come home around 4am...but keep in mind I didn't have kids, not to mention no husband(sometimes they need more fuss over than kids..hehe)so I would have the option of sleeping in until 11am or 12..lol
So big difference. Now tired or not..up you go! Yelling kids waiting for you! haha

So, I want to talk a little about how I went shopping this weekend(looking for an outfit for hedley concert)
I just wanted to tell you about how great it felt to be able to fit in sizes 16-18! You know, i had been in 26-28 for such a long time, those were the ONLY numbers I ever saw or got used to seeing really. And now, to go to the other racks and start having more options, its been a good thing.

I personally don't like shopping, I don't think I will ever like shopping, but, it was nice for that big change in size. I had a hard time before, they didn't have much for me in the past. Not to mention, I got so used to being in jogging pants all the time.

(THAT was the only piece of clothing that would be loose enough, would hide my bulge underneath, and made it more convenient because they stretched! When being big, its all about convenience!)

You never want to stress, so you get the quickest, easiest thing. Well...that life is slowly going away. This weekend, I wore a regular pair of pants, regular top, no oversized clothes to hide anything....what i was basically is what people saw!! And was I ever proud!

And I was glowing! Smiling alot, I loved it. I loved being ME! To feel comfortable for once with myself, to feel confident..to feel pretty again!!

This has been such a journey already, and even though you do go through some downs, those of which I have never lied to you all about because you are the first to hear about them here, in the end, the up days to all this WAY SURPASSES the downs! I just wish everyone could really see, that we all ABSOLUTELY have the power to change, if change is needed! Anyone can do it and conquor their problems...and if you are reading this blog, and need to change something in your life that is in your way, that might be something that is bringing you down, and, is not allowing you to be the best possible person you can be..(not only weight loss but anything), just face it, stop pushing it to the curb and leaving it, stop allowing yourself to pretend that things are fine in your life, when really they arent! The best part of all this for me, was admiting that I let myself go the way I had, not only to myself but to everyone, and to face it head on and begin fixing it, one step at a time!!

It was hard when i started this blog, to tell the world how big i was in numbers. I mean afterall, it was always my biggest secret. One I held so tight that no one would ever know. But once I admitted, everything was so much easier. Just because people might have certain problems, it is not the end of the world for us. Although it might seem like it at the time, really when you look at life and the big picture, what are we waiting for?? We all should really be the best person we can be all the time, we should all be striving for that! We have all the right to live a happy and healthy life, so why cheat yourself out of that? Doesn't make any sense to me, why i ever let all those years pass, feeling sad inside, crying to myself some nights. I really do wish i would have started this a long time ago. But for some reason, life wanted me to do it now i guess. For the rest of you, there is no time like the present! Doesn't matter how old you are, or young in that case..GO AHEAD, and defeat it, ONCE AND FOR ALL!


Ok enough jabbering:-))))
so......weighed myself this morning people!! I was so happy...i had to weigh myself maybe 20 times and keep looking...get off..get on(look) ..get off...get on(look)...hehe that scale is deffinetly getting worked in much more now than ever!lol poor thing:)


TODAYS WEIGHT IS..........
216lbs!!!!!!!! I am so excited that we are in the countdown mode!!! YES YES YES YES ....!!!!
2-1-6
2-1-6 I dropped like 5lbs this week alone!

For a total so far of..... 56lbs in just 3 short months plus an extra week!

I was so excited i could pee my pants....!!!ha
I was dancing around in the bathroom, in my undies..I got on the scale half asleep, but....when i saw those numbers..man did i wake up!!

anyways, better go....THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT.....THANKS FOR COMING TO READ MY ENTRIES ALL THE TIME...HOPE YOU ALL ARE LEARNING SOMETHING FROM MY EXPERIENCE..THIS IS A BIG REASON WHY I HAD DECIDED TO BLOG IT, TO HELP OTHERS FACE CHANGE AND TO DEFEAT IT!

CHALLENGE YOURSELF TODAY!!

take care, talk soon
C.W.H.T.I:-)))))
xo

I couldn't resist, so I just looked at them wondering, "what it would be like to rip one of those suckers open"!!

Hey everyone. Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I was wanting to write something this morning, but sometimes my mornings seem to fly by and leave me with absolutely no time.

This morning however i made it to the gym, and really had a longer cardio workout(45minutes). I decided to do that since i actually have been bad lately and missed a few days.

I missed last friday(which was a weight training day), and of course i dont do workouts on the weekends, and then missed monday(another weight training day) and tuesday(a cardio day)....of course all for legitimate reasons but nontheless i missed. But you know, i really felt it today. Its amazing by just missing those couple of days, your body starts to go backwards again.So quickly.
I mean it was hard even for me to do 180 strides per minute on the eliptical (that is what i usually do or MORE) and this morning could only do 160 if that, sometimes would even drop to 150.. So i was alot slower this morning.That is a BIG difference. The workout felt like forever and extra hard. It was just hard pushing through it. it was almost like i was fighting with myself..oh I CAN'T do this today..oh YES you can..oh NOOO really I cant...Oh you DAMN WELL WILL..lol
man...

and then my new weight training workout routine that my trainer prepared for me i tried to go through yesturday(Wednesday)..well...lets just say i had a really hard time with it. It totally through me off, exercises felt difficult..(he makes them look so easy mind you) I cursed alot, it put me in a BAD mood, and went to work only having half done it, and felt really jipped..lol but that together with missing a few days..you dont feel too good!

So, we are going back to meet once again at the gym, to go through it all! Man that sucks!! It's really hard getting a new routine, I tell ya. Because you get so confident with the old one, your doing so well, feeling so strong, feeling as though nothing can tear you down, like you are a warrior...lol and then my trainer comes along..and its as if he says probably laughing in his head...ya...you think your doing good..here is your new workout..and it KILLS ME.! lol It takes away all that confidence I had, and I am back to square one! Reminding myself I have a long way to go!

He is a tough one! But even though he might be a tough one, i know, he knows his stuff, he inspires me, and i want to be tough like him too one day. So, I just work through it!:-)) He is helping me build myself to what I want to be,both emotionally and physically, he is basically taking me through this journey. But, I really do admire him cause he also has a heart of gold, not only for me, but for anyone who may need his help. Like he said before.."this is my passion"

But I am sure, as i have told him, one day.....not too far from now... i will be body slamming him..if he is not careful...lol

So, the last few workouts this week have not been too good. One of those weeks I suppose. I hope next week gets better. But you know missing those days, although i felt guilty..sad to say that i got used to the "oh i cant go today" words. and then when you have to actually go, it makes it that much more difficult.

So my tip of the day, ...DON'T DO THAT PEOPLE!!. just go..even if you can only squeeze in 30 minutes, even 15 minutes..better than nothing..keep the good habit going for yourself, and keep your body used to moving..believe me you are doing yourself a favour by doing so.

Well, once again, another excuse to eat chocolates today, but no chocolates for me though:-(
god as you all know i love chocolates...i dont think i could ever not like them. Then again I love everything really..lol
:-)
Went shopping for my little girls valentine cards at the store last night after work, and i tell ya all those really nicely wrapped chocolates, they make them look so attractive to buy, nevemind that its valentines day...man, i couldn't resist, so I just looked at them wondering, what it would be like to rip one of those suckers right open and feel it melt in my mouth. Would only take perhaps half a second...yummy. Then i snapped out of it!

I am literally counting down the days till i am at my half way mark. Not much more time left. So, once i lose another 20lbs its party time for me kids..and party time means also something really important...EATING TIME..lol

Oh i have everything set in my mind..from breakfast, to lunch. to snacks..and most importantly chinese buffet dinner!! lol
I plan on eating a little bit of everything that day...because i know that is the ONLY day that i will be allowed to do so until the end.

I hope that you all come out that night to meet and greet with me and rob, when we are not stuffing our faces of course.lol
We will let you know of when and where...we hope all our fans and supporters from my blog, from the Ottawa Sun newspaper readers, viewers from Rogers 22, friends and family will come on out for that one night, so we can share it together. EVERYONE WILL BE WELCOMED!

Its been really tough you know not seeing my friends much. And not being able to do the dinner thing, so i hope that they will all come out that night. I want to hug and kiss every one of them, I know they all understand that I am doing something really big right now, and even though i want to go out,,,its been tough juggling all of it at once you know. Work,kids,family,workouts,diet..so this is the ONE night I am looking forward to just being me, being normal like all of you! I think at that point I will surely deserve it. I just better watch cause I might end up getting carried away and end up in the bathroom ..lol

That will be something interesting to report on how i am feeling after that night...eating all those "bad foods" and drinking perhaps some shall i say....booze????
I have only had water and tea for the last 3 months..I better be real careful actually.lol
But I will make sure to make a blog entry the next morning.lol...or 2 mornings after if i am in recovery.lol

Anyways, thanks for reading,
C.W.H.T.I

February 11th, 2008 3 month anniversary pics!

Hi there everyone. Here is my new pics posted! Its been amazing..I am now also 50lbs lighter and feeling great!

Cannot believe its only been 3 months. I can't even imagine what my body will be like when it comes around to next January! Tommorow Rob and I are scheduled to be on Rogers 22 daytime again so if you can, please tune in.

And also the sun has a new update which will be posted sometime this morning on their website.

Take care friends!

talk soon

lots of hugzzzz

C.W.H.T.I

WHAT A FRESH SORT OF DAY!!

Hey Everyone. I just needed to write this quick entry and tell everybody that I am having such a fantastic sort of day. Not sure why that is, but I am feeling wonderful today!! So happy! Its weird. I suppose cause the last few weeks I have been so busy and running, and so many things came up that I had to deal with..but today....its like a nice change.

The seas have calmed down i suppose:)

And I went out to dinner the other night, with a group of co-workers and you know what..i so enjoyed my grilled chicken salad, it just tasted so good! It was amazing...! And the best part..nothing to even feel bad about. That was a great feeling to enjoy something, and not feel guilty! While the others were eating up the fattening ribs..and the great big burgars with the fries that toppled over...and me..well i just smiled the wholeeee time! Its was incredible!

Monday is around the corner and i am pretty sure i will be doing my happy dance...cant wait..come back MONDAY !! 3 month photos asap!!

C.W.H.T.I
hugs and kisses for all!

Dont' forget anniversary pics on monday!!

Hey friends. Hope that you all are having a great weekend. So just met with my trainer Rob last night. New menu plan and new workout routine. So I am sure the next little while I will be working alot harder to get used to this routine now.

This weekend seems like its going to be so much better than the last. I have been so much on the go lately that I just plan on relaxing this one out.

Well, I dont know about you, but i am so excited about my next pictures on MONDAY!! What will they look like?will the 4 litres of water a day make a difference in how different this picture turns out? will there be any difference at all?hm....i dunnno..all i know is when i take them as soon as i get up in the morning, I just burn it to this computer as fast as my legs can take me , post them and just stare and look..lol

So i am like you guys..its not like i take them in advance and pic out the best ones. Which ever are taken that is what i post. I dont know the differences before hand, i am like you in that way...just wanting to see.

so on that note, have a great weekend...and meet me here back on MONDAY..for my brand new 3 months photos to compare...I AM SO NERVOUS!!!..lol

see you soon,
C.W.H.T.I

Monday, February 4, 2008 WEIGH IN DAY!

Hey friends...i had no time at all to drop by this morning. It was a crazy morning..these last few days have been crazy actually..alot of stress in general and dealing with a few things.
I dont even know how I actually got through Saturday. I was so tempted to eat the whole house of food...it was nuts, I have never had such a bad day regarding wanting so much food. Not sure why that was but I am just so happy to have gotten through it, and have nothing to regret cause i stayed clean.

Anyways..on a good note i am down another 3lbs i believe, so...I am 224lbs now. Its still going pretty good regarding weight dropping per week.
So i am happy about that. I can actually really see the 100's coming soon and hopefully quick. I cannot wait for that!
So that is my next vision, not to mention the celebration me and my trainer will be having when i reach that point...this will help me to keep going..only weeks away now, to finally be able to say I am out of the 200's for GOOD!

Anyways thanks friends..talk soon.
C.W.H.T.I

Just one of those days!!! February 2nd 2008

Hi friends! Happy weekend to you all! I am happy it is the weekend, however.. I am not happy that I am having one of those "I wish I could eat everything in sight days"!!:-(

It STILL happens to me sometimes, it just comes creeping up when I least expect it!! But in the end its how you choose to handle it. Doesn't help that this morning started off wrong, and i have been more on the stressed out side today, and because I am stressed, I want to EAT!

I mean, after all, for YEARS that is what I turned to(food), to fill me up and to help me let go of/ or get over, whatever was bothering me at the time. So, the thought of how good it felt eating whatever I wanted, without thinking of the consequenses, still comes up and haunts me on days like today. Man... it was so much easier in a sense back then! And YOU STILL want to sometimes take that easy way out. And that mere thought, I dont think will ever leave me completely. And you will ALWAYS come face to face with that option, but I refuse to take that path again.

Food was such a friend in times like this, so conveniently accessable! How it would take me one second to just pick up something that I shouldnt have been eating and just without thinking start eating it. !But I must stay strong, and also remember that, it is this same friend(food), that DESTROYED me. It took away my confidence, my energy, my right to say no, and most importantly MY LIFE! How I would just OVER eat, and lose control! I just did not have any control. But now i am beginning to understand what its really like to "eat to live" and not "live to eat". Not to mention I am really regaining control of foods for once.

From the beginning this has been such a learning experience for me, from seeing how much I should be eating, and what foods I should be eating, not to mention exercises that I am becoming firmiliar with!! This is all information that is so important for me..so I can always stay on this path even once I have achieved my goal. The two most important things that need to be balanced properly FOOD AND EXERCISE.

It is so tempting however to take the easy way out, but when I now look back at all the hard work I have been doing, all those times I have already come face to face with making choices, and have been able to get through those times, I know I can do this!!

But in the mean time, to help me get over this feeling of weakness, I am just thinking good thoughts, that in like just 9 days it will be that time again to take my anniversary pics!!My 3 month (accomplished and got through) pictures..THAT, PEOPLE, sounds sooo great!

I am so curious how these ones are going to turn out in comparison to last months. Not sure if you all remember, but i have been putting this water theory to the test, and being really serious about it and making sure I have always been drinking 4 litres a day for this whole past month...so I am just so interested in seeing myself.. "Will it make a big difference in the next pics"??
Well time will tell I suppose.

So that is also helping me right now, keeping me away from really eating bad things, and also the fact I need to weigh myself Monday to see how I did this week.
I am just dealing with this feeling of hunger right now, but, I know it will pass like everything else. Just be patient and things will be a-ok!

But, if I should choose to give into these sort of weaker days...I know in my head, it would take away my emotional strength that I have built with time on this transformation, which I know is the one thing that will help me with any future days such as this one down the road.. which may very well end in disaster..BAD CHOICES,BAD RESULTS!!! So no need to go down that path. I have had such a positive outlook these last few months, and it has already changed me in so many ways. I would rather just deal with these feelings...then to, screw up this far in the game.

Anyways, so remember the 11th photo day..and Monday I will be on quick to let you guys all know my weighty weight!

Have a wonderful weekend friends!
Talk soon
C.W.H.T.I