Wednesday December 19th 2007

Hi Friends. Hope everyone is doing well. I just thought I would write something because its been a few days. Yesterday was our first debut on the television show. It was so exciting, however i have to say I was pretty nervous. Before going on I must have went to the bathroom like a million times, checking to make sure i had nothing on my teeth, making sure my lipstick was just right..it was funny. And really, I am not one to fuss about those things, but in a case like this where I have never been in front of the camera, there is a need to:)

But all in all it went ok. The day itself was really rushed not to mention an emotional roller coaster. After finishing up at Rogers Television with my trainer, I had to run over to my uncles wake. Exactly...i went from being on top of the world with excitement, to a really depressing state. It was hard. Not to mention that I had not eaten all day! But I got through it.
These last few months have been really tough. Our family has had to deal with 2 deaths right before Christmas, and its just been really hard all around.

But I have to keep going. In the past this would have been the perfect excuse to take it out on food. Because I am naturally an emotional eater..but this time, I was strong..and even waited until 4:00p.m.when i got home after such a busy day, to have my own meals.

Its been pretty cold here. SO its making it so tough for me to get to the gym at 6:00am. I do get there, but it takes me about 15 minutes to even convince myself to get out of bed. I just sit there, and debate, and think..I'm so tireeeeeed..do i have tooooo...and lie there..should i stay 5 more minutes, oh its cold out..every excuse I can think of why i should stay nice and cozy...and then finally...i just get up! grumpy..but i get up!! So that is the hardest part of this whole thing right now, is getting up so early, when my kids go to bed so late sometimes! So in the end I am not always working on alot of sleep.

Like, this morning when i was doing my weight training..when it should have been waking me up..i found myself yawning alot..lol total opposite! it was kind of funny,.

And something else funny, not sure if anyone can relate. but when i get on the treadmill on my weight training days..i must look like i am half drunk cause i still cannot get used to it. When i walk..i tend to slowly go to the side..and then have to straighten myself up in the middle again..i just laugh its so funny. I never really liked the treadmill..but on the days where i am using weights i use it just to warm up..lol

I think that's about it for now. We are going to continually make monthly appearances on the show and presently, I am in the process of getting things done before we have our first edition in our Ottawa sun newspaper, January 2nd. As you probably know they too are going to be following my story. So I have the reporter scheduled to come tomorrow to meet with me, and pics maybe,I am really excited about that! This has turned into something so much bigger than what i anticipated. I mean they are even going to show me training on their website, and probably talking into the web cam etc...so even if you are not from where I live everyone will be able to check it out, and can see me working my butt off. I will keep you posted.

But its not really easy I tell you. Making time for all this. Its hard enough making time to work out etc and have time for family..and work...appointments, kids swimming, but now to add this in..its been something that I am still trying to get used to. But I love it. I love the challenge, I love the fact that all of a sudden my once so ordinary life is different! And I think we all need that sometimes. Change I think can make us stronger and gets our brains going again.

But I am determined to do this so that all of you can follow my story and I just hope to show people that, even people like myself, that started off so heavy can change. Even if you are a mom, and married, and work. Its not easy but it can be done. We have the power in our hands to change whatever we wish pretty much, and its just grabbing on to it, and getting through it, even if its tough because in the end, its sooo worth it. I had a taste of that looking at my one month photos..I cant even imagine what i will be feeling in the end...

The number one thing that I do hope to achieve when all is said and done, and I have reached my goal, and physically healthy and basically a completely different person than the one that is writing you right now, is that whoever follows in my journey by reading my blog etc, even if you don't have a weight problem, is to show everyone that we as people can defeat whatever else might need to be defeated!If i can lose 140 pounds..well i mean..that just shows you, as long as you stay strong and positive and have the support from friends and family and the right tools, that you can reach for any dream whatever that is..you can and will do it.
Its all about CONTROL. We all need to take control of our own lives, that's the key. God made us alot more stronger than we think and we should always myself included remember that.

The one thing that these sad deaths also have reminded me of, is that we only have one life. We choose what we want to make out of it.
And I have chosen the path to freedom once and for all. To be able to live my life without worries that I once had. And that feels GREAT! I mean really all these years of wasting time. I should have done this a long time ago.
I cant believe all these years I just let it go..and go ...and go...and for what? because i like food too much, I mean come on..i just needed i think someone to show me the RIGHT path and thanks to my trainer, I have found that path.

No more will I ever go back to how I was , and how i thought. At the time, I remember thinking well this is not a big deal, so what i am overweight or whatever, But you know what, i was fooling myself. Just being overweight has made me lose out on alot, and sad as it is I cannot get those things back, but i can change the future.

Anyways...i will be on again soon, you know me:)
Stay warm..and Monday will be once again my weigh in day...and believe it or not before you know it I will be taking my 3rd pics...wow.
C.W.H.T.I