Tuesday December 25th Christmas day...4 more HOURS left till I come face to face with the Christmas feast!!

Hey everyone. Hope that everybody is enjoying their Christmas day. I just wanted to say that I have made up my mind, on what I am going to do regarding dinner tonight with the family. However I am not going to reveal it just yet.

I chose to do what I am about to do regarding the dinner, because I felt that this was the best decision for myself. And, that it only made perfect sense to me. NOT EVEN my trainer knows exactly what my decision is. All he knows is that my emotional state hasn't been the greatest. We have exchanged a few emails however regarding tonight, and all I know, is that, the dinner tonight is going to be amazing!! He has given me the OK, to eat a good meal if I feel like I need to, said to me to remember to just eat for one and not for two, and basically stay away from junk..meaning chocolate...lol that's funny rob..as if??..ha

I, have to look forward to, facing a dinner with the family, that consists of... cannelloni, meatballs, breaded chicken cutlets, salad, and I believe that we are also going to all be able to have turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, veggies, lots of chocolates, vanilla cake, more deserts like my moms pies,wine, coke,assorted peanuts, and god knows whatever else. This is what being Italian is all about I suppose. Food OVERLOAD with all great healthy choices to make...NOT!!

But, my mind IS set, and i am ready to go through it. I will let you all know what i chose to do later on when I get back home, and let you also know how i feel after the fact regarding the decision I made, and how i basically am feeling in general.

I am making a promise to myself, that I will not regret what I choose tonight, and to remember that, the next day, the sun will shine once again, and Christmas will have come and gone.

I CAN tell you however, that this has been so extremely hard on me!! I have probably been thinking about what was I going to do for the last 3 days. Going back and forth with decisions.. thinking of the pros and cons,no wonder, I have had emotional breakdowns!!..Not to mention all this Christmas preparing, stress shopping, and foods, and choices, have all had a big impact on why I have been feeling the way I have.
I cant even explain, but I will say this is the first time that I found Christmas so hard. The MOST DIFFICULT time during this transformation journey so far. I have even found myself crying more...even when writing emails to my trainer.

But, this is part of life, the life of someone that is going to make a difference, someone that is looking to inspire, and who has chosen to make this journey public, so everyone can follow along, and also know ,what I am going through while trying to get to the finish line. So I cannot be fake, I have to stay real and continue being honest with all of you.

SO, i will finish this blog for now until later on, when i get back home, from "the dinner"where I will then reveal what i decided to do, and in that case,,,what i have done...so...this blog will be concluded later....

*Thanks so much for everyone reading my blog, following my story, it means so much to me that I have so many people around the world interested in following me through this, and all i know is in the end you will not be able to say that I didn't give it my best shot...

One more thing, and this is to my trainer...

" I would NEVER, be where I am, right now, if it weren't for YOU. You are like MY angel, who has come along to save ME. Already, in just a short period of time, you have made me see, that there is a way to change, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Most importantly, you have also given back to me the "hope", which was once lost.

Although its been hard, not to mention a whole new learning experience, in just 7 weeks, I have changed, both physically, and emotionally, so much!!! You have been my strength.... you have inspired me..... and, you are such a kind hearted person, that I cannot help, but feel, so fortunate to have you once again in my life, after losing contact for many years. I am so lucky to have YOU by my side, one of the best!! You have given me all the tools I need, by teaching me, all your secrets from your own knowledge, to conquer this demon, once and for all.

This has been a really tough starting journey, but with you next to me, (not always physically), but knowing, that you are always there in the background, cheering me on, and that you genuinely care.. have faith in me, (that I can do it, where others may have not), makes it a little easier and keeps me smiling.

Thank you for reading my emails, for caring, and responding to me so quickly when in need
:-).. for all the phone calls, and checkups...and most importantly for just being you. In the end, I hope to make us both proud at the finish line, saying we DID IT, and, that we did it RIGHT!
That we can show an example to so many others, who might also have lost hope...to allow them to see that everyone, can make a change, and its all about making a choice, and sticking to it, even when it seems impossible!
I will NEVER forget what you are doing for me, and I will always be forever greatful.
talk soon....
C.W.H.T.I

To be continued tonight........

Ok, so i am back home. Its now 9:54p.m. Christmas night, and must say, actually kind of relieved to be back at home tonight so that I could continue this blog. Tonight was a tough one, the food was just as I thought amazing, smelt great, looked great and not to mention lots of it!!

Anyways, honestly, I knew that I had my mind made up before hand that "I WAS NOT"..I repeat "WAS NOT".. going to have any of it!! So you can all be relieved..smiles:-)

I hope I scared everyone, cause God only knows I scared myself. I was oh so close in giving in for Christmas. Besides its the perfect excuse to do so.

Anyways, I did fantastic, I beat the odds..not even one bite!. How do I feel...i feel wonderful. I have never had this kind of power over myself in such a long time, perhaps never actually. And because I beat this tonight, I am sure it will help me down the line when facing another battle!

It actually didn't bother me at all! I passed on everything including the actual sweet stuff. All this anxiety that I had for the last few days, on thoughts of should I or shouldn't I eat it, how will i be able to pass on that stuff..was i ready to pass on it..would i get weak...and really it was all for nothing. I suppose my trainer has trained me well:)

Its all a mind thing I guess. My body is so used to the good stuff now, that I am used to taking it in as well. I actually enjoy my own food.

I am not going to lie, up until this morning, I was soooo going to go nuts on everything tonight. Not sure why? Maybe because it would have made things so much easier to just give in.

But after speaking to one of my sisters (God bless her)and really talking about it this afternoon..i was like, you know what..your right ..not even worth it! She gave me that last bit of courage that I believe I really needed to look at it from a different point of view.

I have a transformation project that i need to complete!! And not even Christmas is going to stop me from getting to my goal....there is always next Christmas where I am sure i will be enjoying all the great foods...but right now, I am just striving to be my best, both physically and emotionally, and going back to negative eating, even on a day like today would not have helped me at all, so therefore there was no point in going down that path tonight, why? For one night? Doesn't make any sense when i have been pushing my body for the last 7 weeks to be totally opposite. All those mornings in the gym at 6am, my cardio being 100 times better than when i started..the strength in my body compared to when i first began..NO WAY!!

Nothing is going to stop me from reaching for what I want, I can smell it coming, and feel it coming in my gut!!! And you know what...I DESERVE THIS!!

High fives everyone:-))))))))

C.W.H.T.I

hugs and kisses for everyone!!