Thursday December 6th 2007

Hi readers, hope that you are doing better than me. I mean I am doing ok, seems like what I thought was pink eye..well nothing came out of it..it still is a little red, but i think i will survive thank god.

I have had a really tough day today. Not sure why, but I was so hungry. I was at work, and time just seemed to go by so slowly due to the fact, I couldn't wait for my time to eat lunch, and snacks. That's all I could think about!!
I really don't know why that is. Perhaps because I gave alot this morning into my workout?I recall that my trainer did give me the heads up that I may feel hungry, and that it would be normal if so, due to the workouts, and just told me to stay strong, because we will be changing my diet soon, but I have to be pretty strict right now on my baseline diet to get things started off right..but that was like 3 weeks ago. So i thought i wasn't going to have to deal with that..well..today I dealt with it.
I hope I will be over it tomorrow, cause it was tough at work, smelling all the foods around me.

I had told the cook at work how i was feeling, while chowing down on my grapes..(when all the others were eating potatoes, and some kind of meat, and veggies)..so he was like..."drink your water, you haven't been drinking you water..drink your friggin water"!!!
I like him cause he is a little hard on me, he is the type to tell it like it is..he is not too soft with me which I think that is what I need right now, I would rather someone be hard on me, and not feel sorry for me(or give me the impression that they are feeling sorry for me),and i really think he just doesn't want to see me do anything I will regret..I mean I have come so far in just a month...so he just mentioned..."well your trainer is not here..but i am, so i am telling you to drink"! ..lol well it worked..cause i gobbled down a few glasses which helped alot..but I have to say diets really suck.! I know that I really shouldn't call it a diet ...but anything that leaves me feeling hungry I call diet..lol

The cook and I have had alot of conversations all about this, he's been the one to listen to me, on not only this but alot of topics, he's become like a really close friend and confidant, not to mention he was there when i received the call from rogers television, he knows how excited I was, and how excited I have been, he's helped me stay strong as well. Thanks to him he helped me get through the day a little easier. I mean in the end its all up to me(or you) whoever the person is going through whatever situation, I mean friends can help and support you, but you in the end make that final decision on whats going to go into that mouth.

I think this coming holiday season is going to be hard on me. Although my trainer said to me for Christmas I can eat whatever for that day, honestly I am scared to do so. Because its been almost a month that i have not had things like sugar,salt, pastas etc..and I have been eating so healthy that..if i have a taste of one of those things...or all that good food at Christmas..what if it starts me craving things! What if it triggers something in my brain that puts me in an even worse position. I don't want to go through that again!!
I mean there will be plenty of time to enjoy those things from time to time later on down the road..but do i really want to take a chance with this and risk all that I have done so far.
Because right now I may be hungry..but its not like I am craving things. There is a difference.

So i am basically starting to think about what I am going to do over the holidays..maybe I will avoid the whole thing all together and just treat it like a normal sort of day. But its hard to do that as well because when you have a family..not to mention 3 kids all under the age of 5, how can I possibly treat Christmas like just another normal sort of day.
Christmas is in the air, baked goods, lots of Italian food, or turkey, potatoes, gravy the whole 9 yards, ok i better stop I am making myself hungry here again.

But today I was thinking some good thoughts as well while I took in some air outside at work, while trying to deal with my hunger.
I did have a minute to think about what I HAVE accomplished in this last past month of training and transformation. I mean I have made it to the gym 4 weeks in a row, at least 5 times a week. I have not cheated once! I have followed all the instructions given to me by my trainer. I can now climb my stairs at my own home without being out of breath unlike before. I have so much more energy at work,I have increased some of my weights, because some of the exercises are getting easier(so I am challenging myself on my own while my trainer is gone away). I mean there is a big difference compared to when I started which I think I should always focus on and remember. One year from now isn't that far away really. Time flies so fast...Before I know it I will be there at the finish line, weighing over 100 pounds less.

I wonder how i will feel when i get there. I mean I have never EVER been a normal weight ..at least not since maybe grade 2?
Isn't that crazy..but its true! I don't even know what it feels like to be a normal weight. I was always overweight! Isn't that sad. All these years..missed out on alot because of it. But I guess the good thing is I am tackling it now, better now then never, and I still have alot of years left to enjoy my new me once I get there. I cant wait to get it all off once and for all.

Well anyways...i better go...long enough for you all, and for me tonight. I'm exhausted time for sleep.
Thanks for reading.
Talk soon
C.W.H.T.I