Ok its friday...got through the first 5 days..

Ok...so i said i wouldnt write until a week,,,well decided to write tonight:)

The last 2 days have been extremely hard on me. Yesturday was my grandmothers wake, which, i was never really good at going to those types of things. When it was time to leave, I had a quick thought, would be nice to drive by a Mcdonalds drive through for a big mac..But i got through it. I had to stare at pizza twice yesturday ..smelled really good, but i didnt taste any..yeah...

Its funny as time moves on, it actually, believe it or not, is getting easier regarding my food. Dont get me wrong, you still miss the smells, you can still remember what the sauces taste like in those great fatty foods..but...the cravings seem to pass alot faster, and I am starting to understand when its just a crazing, rather then thinking I am hungry, and acting on it. And my stomach is starting to get used to the food quantities because, I noticed all of a sudden when I stop and think about it, I am not hungry. Wow? could this be real? I am so used to feeling hungry that this is just a whole different feeling I have never experienced.

Also,Surprisingly, I had 3 people tell me yesturday that I looked different. Two said i looked like i lost weight, the other said I just look different, I looked good..my face, skin...I dont know why that is. Could it be that the natural foods I have been eating are starting to take a toll on my face, my skin...could it be the 30 minutes of walking I have been starting with on the treadmill..could it be the excitment of this whole changing idea.Kind of interesting..huh..makes me wonder..
Then today I had a day off work, and so being at home was tough because it made the day longer, and basically put that with the stress of 3 kids ages 5 and under...makes it a toughy. But ..got through it.lol

One thing i have to say thats been helping so much, and if it wasnt for this reason i may have given up already. Is the fact that this time around I am not alone. I am working with someone, who is putting all their faith in me, I mean to fail would be to fail him(my trainer) as well. And if anything mentally i think that in itself keeps me more focused even if its just selfconciously.

So I keep my head up high, and remember to stay focused, think only for that day, that second, and to believe in him my trainer) and how i will see changes start to happen real soon, because believe it or not I am starting to feel them both physically and mentally, not to mention the needle dropped on the scale the other day..i know could be water..but i am down 5 pounds..so i will take anything like that:-))))

Funny quick story. I went to get my first pics developed.(my god) i was like...i dont even know if embaressed cuts it...but i was pretty shocked to say the least. I mean let me tell you, huge legs, my ancles are big..can even see marks from what my socks have left, like every little detail. Put it this way the ONLY and I mean ONLY thing I liked about those pics...was my hair..lol. Good thing i like to laugh cause really think i should be crying. Its like a friggin nightmare come true!!
Anyways I went into a local store and had them printed for my own use and of course i see this guy all the time.I go in their to buy the kids milk, diapers etc..so its like..they all know me very well. So i was really nervous like thinking..this guy is going to see my huge legs, big arms.I mean in the pic I am in really short shorts(shortest I could find..and a tank top..so all my flaws in may arms could be seen).but then i just thought..screw it..i really dont care...face it..move on... ..

so i walked in with a friend who was with me..and ordered them, the man was like "oh they will be ready in 20 minutes"..and i was like.,.."sure"..big smily me...thinking.."oh god this man doesnt know whats about to hit him".
So when returning after a few minutes..i told my friend "watch what i am going to say..."cause of course when i am embaressed my humour comes out so i walk up and ask..."hey"...(in a cheery voice, not to mention talking as if i was the sexiest woman alive and so confident..NOT)....smiling..."are my model pics ready"...i started laughing my friggin head off...man i just didnt want to be there.lol
It was so funny though, i guess you had to be there.

anyways i ran out pretty fast...and i kindly told him "you wont have to view pics like this for another month..go have a few drinks and everything will be just fine"..i think he thought i was crazy.hehehe

anyways..thats my funny..embaressing moment i thought i would share with you all...and just to mention soon i am going to post my first pics.Just thought I would give you a warning before to prepare take a deep breath and .i suggest you have a few drinks..or whatever you need to take to relax ..dont be scared and just remember...I am doing this for me...for my trainer...and for all those who think they need to change something, no matter what it is, but yet think they cant.Because if I can go from 270lbs(what you are about to see in my photos) to 125lbs,with 20 % body fat, that is like 145lbs(thats just crazy shit)then believe me, anyone can make a change! You can..I can ...you just have to believe. This is so real...nothing fake about it...and we are all going to witness me changing together. Every month i will post new photos so you all (including myself)can keep track of how i am doing, its going to be an amazing journey:)
talk soon
C.W.H.T.I.